Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Welcome to Australia!!!

Someone emailed this to me. Thought I might just share them with everyone.

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only on Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Indeed, laughter is the best medicine! meow!

24 comments:

VampyVictor said...

hhaha that was clever!! I can just see some Americans asking questions like that hehe

~Covert_Operations'78~ said...

Oh good heavens! Those silly people! And I thought only Americans are that clueless about anything outside their shores! I love Ozzie humour! It's reflected in everything from Mambo clothes to Two Dogs alcoholic lemonade! Ozzies rule!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Victor darl,
Now, now...don't be unkind. We hope Lara Bingle would do a good job in luring tourists to our shores. hmm...perhaps they should appoint me instead, eh? purrr.....

Cat-in-Sydney said...

CO78,
Yeah! That's what we call positive thinking. The world is already a bad place so we might as well laugh. Laughter will heal the world, we hope. purrr....meow!

sherry said...

hi cat-in- sydney.


just to say hi....

Uncle Lee said...

Hi, do the people there speak English? Can I go to a Biliebong with a Sheila and have fun bong bong?
Ha ha ha, love this posting.
G'day Cat, woof, woof, grrrrrrr Lee.

mamasita said...

My goodness..bodohnya diaorang ni kan? Or just mengada2 agaknya..

Stupid and idiotic questions begets the same sarcastic answers!
Irritating kan?? Sheeshh!!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Aunty Sherry,
Hi to you too! Long time no see... purrr...meow!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Uncle Lee,
What English you talking about mate? We speak Australian! We also have this habit of throwing the unsuspecting tourists on barbie, you know... purrr....meow!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Mamasita dear,
I think they all fall under the same category as people who say Malaysians live on trees...teeheehee... though the behaviour of some people will make you think that maybe there's some truth there.
Anyway, back home, my Mama was confronted with an acquitance who wanted her to check on his sister who now lives in Australia. When asked where she lives, his answer was: Perth. Duh? meow!

Cheqna said...

hahaha...good one..i'm not sleepy anymore..

thanks mate!

:-)

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Cheqna darling,
You can still go to sleep with a smile on your face...purrrr...meow!

Retrogina said...

Hi Brad or is it Angelina? or Tom?

Luurrveee the jokes. How have u guys been? Sorry not been in here forawhile.

PiPi sends his "purr purr... meaoww!"

How's the weather over there? Kat sini dok hujan hari-hari and sejuuuk macam winter. Just as it was getting fabulously warmer.

anneaziz said...

Cat!

Stupid questions begets sarcastic answers!

But Aussie humor just cracked me up!

MEOW MEOW MEOW!!!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Aunty Anne,
That's why we love this country. People are relaxed and easy going. If you're in a fix, they'll just say: No worries, mate!
What a life...purrr...meow!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Retrogina,
How have you and PiPi been? Long time no see and hear, mate. It's been hot over here and even in the mountains it's been over 30oC. We're praying for no bush fire this year. purrr....meow!

~Covert_Operations'78~ said...

Dear Kitties,

Pls tell your Mama I said sorry I forgot! Here is the wishlist:

FNBKL would prefer donors to share surplus and unwanted goods rather than go out and purchase more items. FNBKL’s wishlist at the moment is as follows:
1. Drink dispenser unit, min 10-litre capacity.
2. Insulated food/beverage storage unit, min. 10-litre capacity (i.e those upright plastic coolers used by roadside stalls, sufficient for 50 portions of cooked rice)
3. Large lidded tupperwares / food containers.
4. Biodegradable dishwashing liquid – veggie waste enzyme requested!
5. Surplus fruits and vegetables from your garden.
6. Cooked vegetarian food or beverages. Please call to inform at least a day in advance to ensure less wastage.

Thank you, Kitties and Mama!

VersedAnggerik said...

muahahaha....

this is hilariously funneeee!

U have just made my day!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

CO78,
Errr...how do we get in touch with d FNBKL ppl? purr....meow!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Aunty Ahan,
Another hug from me! And the massage, licks on d face, head on your lap....purrr....meow!

Uncle Lee said...

Hoi! Your computer on strike? Ha ha. Lee.

~Covert_Operations'78~ said...

Dear Kittehs,

They has no email but they is on Facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=690465218#/pages/Food-Not-Bombs-KL/8013632309?ref=ts

I can haz cheeseburger, you can haz cheeseburger, everybody can haz cheeseburger.

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Uncle Lee,
Even computers have unions! purr...meow!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

CO78,
Thankz a zillion zillion gazillion. purr....meow!